Us brits are notorious for being terrible at complaining and I have to agree with that, at least in my case. I hate to complain, particularly as I spent a year waiting tables during my second year of university. However it needs to be done sometimes and Camilla Morton shows us how to do it with elegance:
“First, stop. Count to ten. Do you have grounds for complaint? Be very friendly, present the problem and ask what they can do to assist you. You don’t want to alienate your target. Get them to empathise.
Always complain in a slow, low voice. If you start in a screech you will have nothing to crescendo up to.
Always aim to have a captive audience, evidence, a witness and an alibi, and a packet of tissues- for dramatic eye dabbing.
They should immediately seize the offending garment or dish (if in restaurant) and offer a full and immediate replacement of refund.
Remember: never get too irate and don’t lose of the fact that YOU are the victim.
Never throw food over the waiter - you lose the evidence and it weakens your case.
Always get the name of the idiot who is not assisting you, and assure them you will contact their boss.
Promise also to contact the press, do an expose, call the police, lawyers, BBC’s Watchdog, etc. Voice could perhaps waver at this point
If all else fails, get your coat and entourage and LEAVE IMMEDIATELY.
Never back down, or apologise if they are in the wrong. Don’t look over your shoulder. You can make counterattacks via phone/letter from the safety of your home, with the advantage of time, clarity and distance on your side.
Always make sure your opinion is heard.”
Taken from How To Walk In High Heels by Camilla Morton (Being Socially Adept, p. 157)
THAT CLASSY BRIT TIP:
When my father complains, he remains very polite and cordial, receives the bill and tells the waiter/manager etc. that he will be paying for the meal as they clearly went to some kind of trouble to bring it to him but he will be contacting the head office or whoever of the restaurant and informing them of his horrible experience. He did this in a hotel in London before and the supervisor shut down the restaurant for the night.
“Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.
Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.
She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.
Buy her another cup of coffee.
Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.
It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.
She has to give it a shot somehow.
Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.
Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.
Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilightseries.
If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.
You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.
You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.
Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.
Or better yet, date a girl who writes.”
reblogged from darvills